The War Within

   A wise man once said: "It takes a great man to slash one's wrists, yet it takes a man much greater to keep on livin'." Frankly, the wise man is right. But, what if you're at the time of your life that you just... don't wanna move on? I am not a great man, not even slightly. Liquor makes me think a lot about suicide sometimes. You can realize that I'm drinkin' a lot lately from my writings. Well, relax. I'm the last person on this planet to commit suicide. Tried it once, they deep throated me all the way down to my stomach, and came in there. Suprisingly, the fluid was black. Don't get me wrong, I only had a stomach irrigation. I was 13. That means I was young, dumb and full of cum. I can't even begin to tell you what a fucked up teenager I was... But, that's another story.

   Where was I? Right, slashing wrists. I know, all the suffering will end, you'll never curse your breathing again but don't do that. Speaking for myself, I have reasons to live. I'm not done with living yet and I'm not gonna die in this fucked up apartment all alone. I'll die in the arms of a beautiful woman, I deserve it! Long story short, these are my reasons. I'm sure you have your reasons to live too. Do not kill yourself.

   I know you all thing the closest I get to happiness is when I cum on a pretty face, but don't be stupid. It's nice and all but... that's not actually happiness. I know that I'll never fully have that so-called awesome feeling, and I'm okay with it. Just twice I actually felt happy. Let me tell you about them.

   One of them was in my English class. I was 15 or 16. There was this really pretty girl in my class and I lost my heart to her. We were good friends. One day, the class was cold as fuck. She called me away from my school desk. I sat beside her. She covered us with her coat. The feeling was just like Jeff Buckley described: "My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder."

   The other was just a dream I had about the same girl. This was not long ago. We were in a class, I guess 'cause that's the only place I saw her. She put her head upon my chest, I surrounded her body with my arms. Well, that's a feeling I'll never be able to describe.

   Enough with this shit, let's end it with a great song. Ladies and gentleman, the legend, Leonard Cohen with his poetic song "The Stranger Song." You can listen to it under the Turkish translation of these paragraphs. I'll be back.