Some of the Ladies I Recently Knew

  Soothing came the last days of November 2017. It was a little cold, and among the ladies I met, one stood out with her charming attitude and beauty. Came December, I fell for her. I'm not gonna lie, I thought that sunshine walked beside her. It was real disappointing to find out that there was never a sunshine beside her, only a darkness, unholier than the unholy night.

  Then came July, I marched to a city that sleeps not at night with my dreams of staying there for good and leaving all the shit I went through behind. Well, a lady accompanied me. Throughout the dog days, we fucked as if we were not the lovers of many before.

  Came September, I've returned once more to this city of mine, for I've learned yet again, that you can never run from yourself by going distances. Then I met Lady H. She was something. Then I left Lady H. for I knew no good comes from the sweet warmth of a gorgeous lady. Only a sweet taste I could get from her, and she gave it to me with kindness and lust.

  Came January, I met a lady in a black dress. With some blue pills and good fortune, I did what I used to do best and then left her for I was, and still am, a fucked up man with a fucked up mind.

  Came March, I drank more than I should and suddenly made love to a woman I shouldn't have. She said that I was a big mistake. Well, tell me something I don't fucking know. With a whisper she left my side, only to lay herself beside me once again soon after.

  Now there are many more things to tell, but I'm a man with not much patience. Throughout my journey of waiting around to die, damn those days to come when I'm still alive and writing whatever pops into me mind.

A Shame It Would Be

She who I endeared with all I got

Lend me thine ears!

I never meant to break your heart,

And leave you in tears.

Upon my tongue are the best wishes for you,

Yet I shall not whisper them, for I am due.

Elsewhere must shine thy glamorous body

For in darkness I am, and I'll everlasting be.

Whither thou goest, I'll pardon myself from

For in my heart, thou shalt not again bloom.

A Fine Commander Commands

Hands shiver not, boys

For sorrowful ballads they will sing

About those who die not in the arms of a mistress

But about those who bled upon the earth.

Miss not your wives, boys

For they will mourn you no more

When this unholy war ends

And they marry handsome lads.

Don't make friends amongst yourselves, boys

For friends ought to smell good

And you shall reek come tomorrow

As dead men with no morrow.
Shut your tired eyes and rest until dawn, boys
And dream about all the things you wish you had
For as sun appears, a bullet will take it all away
There will be no more breakfast come Sunday.
You've been said that you'll be a hero, yet they lied
No hero is remembered less than a fortnight.
On the battlefield, nothing's wrong and nothing's right
For all you'll witness, dying will be a sweet delight.
Keep your head high as you die,
For freedom soon shall bloom upon your tomb.

Dreary Eyes Shut

As drunk as her body let her

She laid herself beside me.

I had no idea whether I wanted to fuck her

Or make love to her for her eyes dreary

Made me dream of things I once wished I had.

Her thick lips were as red as it gets

And between those lips, she whispered

A melody of my heart,

With her warm breath, upon my neck.

Not a spot of her body was cold

And her deadly warm hands on my chest

Were there to kill me kindly

As though she was a sweet murderer

Of heartless men like me.

She laid her dreary eyes upon me

And an irresistible yearning took control of me.

The rest is history.

I woke up come morning,

She did not.

No sweet warmth was left for my redemption.

Both our souls were lost that day,

But I kept breathing, somehow.

I still seek desperately for my soul,

Yet, cold I find, or nothing at all.

For a Dime of Sanity

  "Top of the morning to ya!" I yelled to none, "To you, too!" yelled none. My sore throat bled like a virgin, smoothly and not much. Lady of the night was mine to touch. Dead to the world she was sleeping, until my tongue came flipping. Poverty of the soul was the reason behind our nudeness, every mortal needs some undressing to richen the poor soul every once in a while. Before none but our mournful bodies, we fed our poor souls again. Our sheet was covered by the outcomes of her body's pleasure, and her body was covered by our never-to-be-born children. Guilt came knocking at her door and she started talking about her boyfriend and what a big mistake I was. Oh, my beautiful young one, when was I ever not a mistake?

  Time flew, our paths crossed once again in the same bed. Our tongues touched one another with fidelity and hunger. Her forearm leaning on the back of my neck made me gasp, yet I kept kissing  those winey lips sweeter than a pie. If I were to breathe my last, I'd like to go choking on her winey lips with relish. She didn't let me die just yet, and took our clothes off in the blink of an eye. Between her legs was a fountain of pleasure already, and god whispered from there. Heaven I found between her legs. She moaned as I wandered around in that heaven and her eyes rolled and her hands pressed hard against my back. Corners of her belly I held tightly and I kissed her neck warmly. Then I took her legs upon my shoulders and grabbed her thighs. She cried her grief out between her legs and so did I, upon her chest soon after. Our sheet was once again covered by the outcomes of her pleasure, and we slept upon her pleasure with a smile on our tired and sweaty faces.

  Came the morning I woke. With a shy face she trembled for me. I did lay myself beside her once again, and left her caress for fed were our souls.

Storyteller is Due

  This apathy of mine hurts me not

  Bleeds me not, kills me not.

  I can not sigh, I can not care,

  I can not die, I can not repair.

  Be still not my heart,

  For my unholy kingdom falls.

  My castle is torn apart,

  And carries agony in its halls.

Seek & Find & Bleed

  "He who belongethe not, seeketh. He who belongethe, bleedeth."

  (he who belongs not, seeks. he who belongs, bleeds.)

  An oath of allegiance to none but six feet under is all that a man can do. Yet, he seeks a home, suffering from the great delusion of mankind, the sense of belonging. So, he who belongs not, seeks. He desperately seeks a place he can call home, and hopefully, finds it. The great delusion of belongingness is nothing but a riddle from the killer himself, the good-old time. And time's merciless riddle's answer is awakening. Awakening to the bitter truth that no man belongs anywhere upon the ground but into the nothingness. Therefore, he who belongs not, starts to bleed. The thought of it is never sweet.

A Poem to My Lady H, For I Yearn

  "I knew that in the time to come, I wouldn't be able to kiss your lips sweet as a starry-eyed daydream for a reason I'd never know why. What I've let me be sickens me, a man of such a sweet, yet lethal sorrow."

  It's been a long time and many a fine lady since the last time I saw you. Our memories come flooding back treacherously every so often. Warmth of your hands wandering along my hair and my back haunts me, as though you moved in my veins and will not leave until you finally block the blood flow to my heart and give me a painful heart-attack. It's pretty hard to confess for a man with such a holier-than-thou attitude like me, but bear in your to-die-for mind that I yearn for you lately and continuously.

  My trembling body to be slaughtered

  For just a kiss upon your smooth thighs

  Or maybe your wise lips

  That call for me not.

  Oh, my sin most holy

  My grave most merry

  My nightmare most fairy

  My decay is your glory.

  Fire all the guns in the world without mercy to me;

  I shall not bleed a drop anyhow, for I bled it all for thee.

Widow In the Oldest Pub In Town

A friend of mine introduced us in the oldest pub in town

And on a good day, I'd lay myself beside her

With all the lust I have left

For the sake of all the lust inside her.

She had no make-up on, oh, I checked

My young fingers wandered hard on that lovely face

Oh, my friends, she made me touch everywhere possible

Yet, nothing in me shined.

She told about her two little daughters

And the outcomes of being a single mother

I sat there and listened

And I admired.

She didn't look like she gave birth three months ago

Actually, she was the finest lady there.

As a matter of fact, one of the finest I've ever met.

She said: "I don't wanna fuck you,

You know that, right?"

I only smiled and let that slide

Before she spread her thighs a little and put my hand on her leg.

"What are you doing later on tonight?" she asked

"I'd kill a man to do you, but I can't tonight." I answered.

"How come? Are you not a man?" she said.

"Oh, darling, not tonight. But if you let me kiss

Your unholy lips, I might sleep tight." I whispered to her ear.

"Only a man can kiss me, and you don't act like one." she said.

Her lust grew as she hit the booze

Mine was never there.

She gave up on me that night

And I went home by shank's mare.

I could kill a man that night

To hold her and play with her hair.

For I long to love a woman

And days go by with despair.

I'm afraid to die malt-worm on a cold night

Oh, how I wish I died in her arms that night.

To Lady E, About Lady H

  My Lady E, what a splendid month was it! The old time flies away like my youth. I'll never forget the summer of your bed, beach and booze. I know you loved me with blind eyes to my wrongful truths, so I can only hope that my fallen romance with Lady H will not break your heart and make you smile, for you know what a child I turn out to be when it's about a pretty pretty lady.

  I met her in a coffee shop a month ago. The flirting part was as adorable as it gets. We smiled like me and you. Deep in my mind I thought that with her rebellious tattoos, reckless attitude and unforgettable beauty, she was made for me. Instantly she fell in my good graces. She didn't talk very much and smiled a lot, her wisdom I found deep in her eyes. I accepted she was better than me in every aspect possible. My heart crumbled every single time her big sparkling eyes were laid upon me. I had many a fine lady, but believe me when I say this: I have never seen anything quite beautiful as her! And of course, her wisdom was something rare. So goddamn rare. When I looked at her, I felt like Tony Montana. The world was mine and everything in it was made for my pleasure.

  Eight days ago on October 7th, I bought two bottles of wine and marched like a soldier to my fortress of solitude where she and I planned to be at. Yes, to the room we made love once when you came to my hometown. What you wrote, "Don't forget me." is still on the wall by the way. We sat on my bed and I poured us two glasses of wine. I told her about the book I wrote in my worst times, she smiled like she read it. We chattered nearly half an hour and by that time, I finished the bottle by myself. She didn't even finish her glass. I was so nervous alongside of this goddess of beauty and wisdom. Finally, I was able to make the move. I took her clothes off and there she was, the perfect lady of this world, naked and shy before me. I kissed her cherry lips my eyes shut and silence was the melody of my fading solitude. We made love and it was hard for me because of the wine. I certainly wasn't at my best, I can't even say I enjoyed it. Yet, the thought of being inside of a lady I admire with all my being was more than enough. After the nasty part, I felt her blessed body against mine. And her sacred hand on my face was shining my darkened spirit I'm sure. She came healing.

  We texted a little while but that was the last day we actually talked face to face. Don't ask why. I still see her sometimes. Her wisdom and beauty was taken away from me and I've come to terms with it. I believe I'm okay with it.

  Here ends the story. I wish you the best in your life, and please, don't be a stranger.

  Yours lovingly,

  Not a Ladies Man

Gün Doğarken Bir Yabancı

  Sabahın beşinde bir yabancıyla yarı çıplak, terler içinde uyumaya yeltenen kişinin uzandığı yatakta saadet hak getire. Zevk sıvılarının kokusuyla ten ve ter kokusunun birleştiği odada bir de tütün yandı mı... Hüznün kokusu aşağı yukarı budur.

  Bahsettiğim bu birçok yabancıyla süregelen bu hoşnut aptallık herkese mi mükelleftir yoksa yalnızca iradesiz kişilere mi, bilemem. Yapılmasının birçok sebebi olabilir, yargılamak kimsenin harcı olmamalıdır ama bilinmelidir ki, belki bir ilah, belki bir dost, belki aileden biri, belki de bir sevgili mutlaka bir gün yargılayacaktır. Yargılamak, insanın çekirdeğinde vardır. Dünyanın en saf kalpli insanı da mutlaktır ki yargılar, en beter insanı da. Aksini düşünmek kendini kandırmak ve aynaya bakmamaktır.